one more chance

i cannot change the world,
i cannot heal it,
i cannot even fathom it.
i am glad
that i cannot understand.
if i could, i imagine
i would only
cradle my head in my hands.
i thank you God
for my light yoke,
for my small piece
of the puzzle.
i am sorry
for my anger,
my paralysis,
for the blank stare,
for the heart-numbness.
i thank You for Your patience
and Your grace,
and most of all
i thank You for today,
for one more day,
one more chance
to figure it out.

what I need

I was waiting for some directive from You,
A memo, a roadmap,
And You asked me to wait and be still.
I wanted an answer
And You only wanted me to ask more questions.
I asked for a bulletin
And You told me to balance.
I was looking for a rule sheet
And You were inviting me on an adventure.
I was marching
And You wanted me to walk with you.
I asked for “truth”
And You handed me a mirror.
I demanded a mission
And You said “take a nap.”
I searched for a role model
And you pointed to the dragonflies
Skimming along the surface tension of a river,
All grace, ease, and a light touch—
I was hoping for something closer to Alexander.
I say “why?”
And You say “shhh.”
I ache for Your voice
And You cushion me in silence.
Thank You for being what I need
And not what I demand.