the basics

Hello, there.

I’m Abby.

observe me for any amount of time and you’ll likely come to the conclusion that I’m a stock character from an infomercial. you know. the jackass that fucks up everything they touch, but hilariously.

I like peace, quiet, and sensible conversation.

I don’t like political correctness, salt substitutes, or silly fads.

scratch that; I love silly fads; I just carry them on long past their expiration date. until it no longer counts as a silly fad, so much as a personal flaw.

I like my coffee bitter and dark, like my inner monologue.

I feel things very deeply, so I tend to cocoon myself in as many protective layers of self-deprecating irony as possible.

I’m good at being honest but bad at being tactful.  I apologize in advance. (but by all means feel free to tell me to fuck off.)

don’t bother asking me to accept a thing on face value.

I get a kick out of stupid puns, i.e., Martin Luther really opened up a can of Worms. heh, get it? ’cause, like…well, never mind….

on that note, my sense of humor has scored me a personal escort to hell. join me, if you like; we have booze in first class.

good fences make good neighbors.

I like tacky footwear. do not speak ill of my shoes lest you find yourself being beaten by one of them. don’t worry, I don’t run very fast in one shoe.

I like to make pretty things, and am reasonably good at it.

teach me a good word and I’ll love you forever.

what’s the fucking point if you can’t laugh at yourself.

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