something about us

something about us drives me crazy.
maybe it’s the way I never seem to know what’s going on,
how helpless I feel,
how pathless,
when I’m here and You’re just. . .not,
on days when I can’t seem to find Your hand.
there are times of strength and confidence,
beauty unabashed and fruitfulness,
almost a kind of lawlessness,
when all’s well and everywhere I see Your face.
hours full of risk
and glorious unashamed success
so thorough and heart-deep
that I don’t care if I’m soaring or swimming,
as long as I’m alive and singing
arms swinging to my stride
next to You.
and then there are times of grief,
and a weariness that sinks into my bones so deep
I can’t feel anything else,
of eyes blind to color and brim-full
of grayness and haze,
lips too damn tired to speak comfort and life,
thoughts convoluted and hopeless
and tinny songs of things true
but unfelt.
before life’s slow, searing holocaust—
days overflowing with anxiety
and unrest, insecurity and tears,
bills and debts and tense conversations of worry and want—
my heart recedes
beneath a sighing current of fatigue
and sleeps until its winter breaks.
I long for those old times
of fearless walking.
learning new paths, new thoughts and songs,
new truths and ways of moving.
I miss Your voice.
I miss knowing my words mean something
in Your ears.
when I first heard Your true name,
something in me resonated,
answered back to Your deep thrum,
as if You’d run your finger along
some taut chord in me
and the memory of Your touch
leaves an echo that mutters back a melody.
in You, I see not a door opening
into new, undiscovered places,
but rather
I find the recognition of things lost,
things reawakened—
the chord inside me vibrates
a tentative harmony to Yours,
and I find myself longing for new music.

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4 thoughts on “something about us

  1. Quite lovely, all of it!

    “You’d run your finger along
    some taut chord in me
    and the memory of Your touch
    leaves an echo that mutters back a melody.”

    Especially this

  2. “when all’s well and everywhere I see Your face”…

    Aah dude. Your writing really strikes a chord with me…

    I guess this is the way it is with god – we never really know for sure, and faith goes hand in hand with doubt.

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